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Welcome back to the Prosperity With Purpose podcast! I am Jessica Hefley, and today we're talking about my wannabe Madonna Arms - I don't really care for a Madonna but she's got some ripped arms and has for years and I have said for ten plus years I want ripped arms. The only problem is I don't have ripped arms still! Is that a problem? We're gonna explore that, because I was feeling so much shame around saying I wanted something, doing it for a little while, and then stopping and restarting. Doing it again, working out regularly, consistently and then stopping repeat, repeat, repeat! I felt like I've made so much progress in so many other areas of my life. Are you hearing this about me? Maybe you’re like ripped arms is not your magical dream. Okay, but I want you to put this in light of your business. Almost everything that gives me breakthroughs in my business comes from a personal story that seems so unrelated. Where in your business have you started, stopped, started, stopped, started, stopped? Maybe you didn't even recognize that it was shame, but you just feel so much shame about starting again or you're already making up the scenario that “What's the point? Because I'm already go I'm going to start it and stop it.”, or there's fear around but this is what I want I want to try again. But I don't know how or I don't feel like I have the time I don't feel like I have the capacity. Have no idea how I'm going to get the results. The results seem so hard. All of those invitations to talk to the coach! I'm here! I'm available! Prosperity With Purpose Mentorship is where we have breakthroughs. But for me that meant time for me to talk to my coach which hadn't been that long until I had talked to my coach before because I very regularly, “Talk to Coach!”. I have lots of coaches, but I was noticing I think you just kind of get to the point I don't know this usually happens how it works for me. I just get to the point where I'm like I'm fed up with it like I need to do something about this! I don't have the results that I want and I'm not going to just like sit on the couch and not do nothing! So, it's just like the shame cycle of what should I do but I don't have the result I want, so I ask for help! Light bulb! I ask for help! When we started the conversation really what I got down to was I was feeling dumb. I was feeling dumb that I can't figure this out. I was feeling dumb that I'm a life coach. I know that I need to put it on my calendar and plan it and schedule it ahead of time and just do it. But of course y'all know what to do. I know what to do, for the most part, we know what to do. Where the invitation is covering the reason why we're not doing what we know we should do, right? Which usually is almost always involves some sort of shame story you put on yourself, some sort of condemnation, some sort of against yourself. So I was feeling dumb that I couldn't figure it out which I know is an invitation then to unhook some areas of judgment I have towards myself, some areas of condemnation I have towards myself and the beauty of it is that that will also unhook areas that I have judgment and condemnation against others! Which will also be helpful for you in your business to have some empathy, and be able to understand some what other people are going through in their own businesses. Maybe why they're not going as fast as you wish they would or doing the things that you know that they are capable of doing and they're not doing them. It has to go down a little bit deeper than that. I also was feeling some fear around what this would entail like I want ripped arms. I want muscular arms. I'm very tall and I’ve been thin most of my life. But really, it's been like skinny-fat. I don't really have much muscle. There's been seasons since where I have and then I'd fall back. You know what I mean, and so I want solid ripped arms and anyways, that's just something I've always wanted. So I was having some fear around, “Oh my gosh if that's really what I want and it is what I want”. It's what I've been saying I've been wanting for 10 years then what is that going to entail? That seems hard, and at time already that feels so at capacity already have so many other things going on like what does that entail? Ok, baby steps. Let me step back just a minute. First of all when I was in Dominican Republic in February you know in a swimsuit, all those things I was like oh summer's coming I'm not happy with these results and so a lot of things felt overwhelming in this particular area which I I'll explain all the breakrough that I had but in February it felt overwhelming. So was that my husband was like why don't you hire a trainer? I just was like I'm just not in that season yet. Why don't I, for one month make a commitment to walk six days a week, and so and then after one month I'll reevaluate, and I'll be ready to do some more intense training, right? And so I did that! I committed to the walk. It's amazing what happens to when you commit to something ahead of time! Commit to the process! I wasn't committing to a result of losing weight, or I wasn't counting my steps I was just like I will go on a walk every day six days a week for one month and that felt really good and really right for me. It was really was fascinating how you know where I'd notice I was scrolling my phone before I'd pick up the kids from school and I'd be like oh I've got forty to five minutes put on the tennis shoes. Let's go to walk in before the kids get home, because I had committed to do it! It made it so much easier. I'd committed to the process, right? It had been a month was coming up and I was like oh I don't know I want arms but I just that feels the the the beautiful thing is is why it was feeling so hard something so simple why it was feeling so hard apply this to yourself that. That thing that you know that you need to do why it now feels so hard is because of the shame story you're telling yourself about about it because of the condemning voice of why should you even try, “You're just going to quit! You're you've tried this before you're going to quit again. What is wrong with you?”. That is what we're going to uncover today, and that is where I had a huge breakthrough because it all is about just beginning again. It's about starting all you need to do is start again. One day at a time! So many people because of the shame-condemning story. They're just like what's the point I'm not even going to try start again. Shame keeps says that there's something wrong with you when you are feeling the feelings of shame or not even feeling the feelings of shame but they're there. You may not be even aware of it and you think it's something else and you're just avoiding it. The shame story is that it keeps telling you that something is wrong with you. How can we neutralize this this this situation? For me it was like how can I neutralize this shame and condemnation? This scenario where I've started and stopped ,I've started and stopped? I don't want to do that anymore. Oh I'm so horrible. How could I neutralize it? How if I was somebody that was trying to help me from an outside perspective that didn't have all the emotions and shame that I was feeling and how could someone like me. Or well let me let me say this? Okay so a way that I could neutralize it is sometimes people like me struggle with this! Sometimes humans struggle! Sometimes highly successful people struggle with follow through. Let me normalize this, highly successful people also struggle in certain areas, you're still seeing their highlight reel. Just because someone's a life coach or just because someone's a CEO or just because someone's your mentor, just because someone whatever. You're thinking or just because someone's a certain rank or a certain income. They're like, “I bet they never struggle with that!”, sometimes people like you struggle with what you're going through actually more people struggle than not so let's change those those ratios here but I want you to neutralize it. Sometimes I have bad days. Sometimes highly successful people like me can't figure out how to go just lift weights again. They know and again it's not the excuse of I don't know what to do I have a tonal machine. The tonal machine does everything for you. It puts the weight on it counts your reps it counts your score it programs the workouts for you like there's I don't even have to think it's not like oh what I don't know what to do or I don't know how long to do this now. It literally is plug and play so again, this is a reminder for you. You know what you need to do? The reason you're not doing. It is some shame story that you're telling yourself that you should be further along or you shouldn't be struggling with this or people like you don't have to deal with this That's a lie from the enemy and so when I was talking to my coach. She helped me realize what was kind of the theme. What did my condemning voice sound like? I noticed that again was a voice I kept hearing in that condemning voice. Okay, if you're unfamiliar in the in the spiritual realm I love to look at it. This way is Satan speaks to you in the condemning voice. It makes you shrink back, makes you get smaller. Fear is an intimidating. Shame makes you feel less than. God's voice even in correction is his loving kindness lead you to repentance. Even his correction is rising you up, speaking to your true, if you're watching me on YouTube you can literally see my hands the difference. It rises you up to your true identity and purpose. So if you're so this this is a very powerful thing you can do is just start to notice the voice that you're hearing, and start to notice how you're speaking to yourself. start to notice what your thoughts, your mind, is offering to you because you get to choose. Okay, it's on autopilot an autopilot story is probably shameful and condemning and making you feel smaller and definitely not making you start again because that's what Satan, the enemy, does not want you to do. He does not want you to start again. He wants you to go sit on the couch. Go eat some chips make a sandwich and just sit there and binge. He doesn't want you to make a difference in the world. He doesn't want you to be healthy. He doesn't want you to accomplish your goals. But God says I am doing a new thing! Your future is going to look completely different from your past. Apart from me, you can do nothing. Let's do this together. So it was really important for me to notice that my condemning voice was like again like oh you started and stopped again, you set out a goal in this area and didn't accomplish it again. So I was noticing just like the word this like word of again was where my condemning voice was and so then we got to notice what would my empathetic voice sound like towards this? What would a neutral voice that wasn't heaping shame on you that was just like curious like high achieving people sometimes struggle with this. What would that empathetic voice sound like for you in your situation? For me my first thought was well that empathetic voice towards me in this specific specific arm exercise scenario. It felt unfamiliar yet really nice like. Really delightful unfamiliar because that's not usually the voice that I I listen to or I hear I seek out or I create on purpose but it was really really nice and so if I was a person trying to help myself. What would I say how would I address the scenario. If I was like if you were trying to help somebody else in that situation. What would you do and how would you make it neutral but this all of this always right? This was my beautiful invitation to unhook from shame. Okay, because here you go here here was the question that I dealt with. Where is punishing myself with shame going to get me where is punishing myself again about that I haven't figured out this war work out I'll start start start stop start start so where is that getting me. It's getting me nowhere and I'll still be there in a year okay so do I want to continue punishing myself with shame or do i. Strong arms like I get to decide but I couldn't even decide I was like I was frozen like ah, there's no possibilities I don't know how this is going to work until I was able to find some freedom bring shed some light on tell the truth about my shame. The truth is what will set you free. Okay, if you keep ignoring it or not being honest with yourself. You're going to still say in your shame cycle. The truth of like I feel shame about this, I feel some fear about how what all this is going to entail. When I was honest with that I now get to decide! Do I to continue punishing myself with shame? Do I want to continue to tell myself that story. Do I want you live into the story you tell yourself? Do I want to continue with that or do I want strong arms? I want strong arms. So I get to restart. I get to try again. I get to start. I get to be an overcomer. I don't want to be in the same place I am now a year from now. So I get to decide, just decide, just decide. Whatever it is that you've been starting stopping starting stopping starting so just decide you're done with punishing yourself. You're done with the shame cycle around this in three months from now yeah and when you choose to be done with it three months from now there'll be a difference six months from now you'll be off completely different. You'll have you'll be a completely different person three months from now I'm gonna notice a difference in my arms six months from now I'm gonna have completely different arms and I've stopped obsessing with the end result and started committing to the process committing to restarting committing. Starting and restarting and committing to the process enjoying the process celebrating the process if you follow me on Instagram every day after I do my total exercise I post on Instagram I am celebrating myself. I am proud of myself. The Gap and the Gain, is a really great book for you on this on this concept of like we're always judging ourself against what we haven't accomplished instead of celebrating the gain stop focusing on the gap but celebrate your gains and so that's what I have decided to do. That's what my coach helped me uncover. There's a couple other things that help got me to the end result but I just decided. I'm decided I'm done punishing myself because I want different results. Okay, we've got to lessen our focus on the outcome. So many of you guys get so obsessed like oh I want this amount of money, I want this rank and you're like your eyes are only on that only on that and then you just keep comparing yourself to this gap of how you haven't reached that elusive ideal. Instead of committing and celebrating the process lesson they focus on the outcome and commit to the process. Not the results commit to who you become in the process commit to the journey commit to all the life's gifts. Hard and easy that will all come your way as you commit to your transformation. The results are going to be inevitable if you commit to the process. It's committing to the process. It's the restarting. That's what the majority of the people will not do because they're in that shame cycle but you. Are not most people you are an overcomer you are choosing to restart you are choosing to commit to the process you are choosing to remember God's voice that is calling you higher, not choosing to come in agreement with the voice of condemnation that is calling you to shame and sin and and and just stopping just sitting on the couch just giving up. Yeah, it's easier not to do it. It's easier not to do it but you are called higher and your transformation the way that you break through in this the way that you become healthier in this the way that you overcome in this is going to do wonder. For everybody else you have influence over so going back to what would it look like to meet myself right? Where I am without judgment. This is what this is what they she helped me uncover and this is what I love helping other people I do so. The time but it was just like I couldn't go I do it all myself. So I'm so grateful for coaches because that's where people want to be met where they are you want to you want to be met where you are. You don't want somebody saying you should have done this. You should be farther along than you already are what's wrong with you. You're gonna you're gonna start. So if you start this, you're just gonna stop again. Okay, so what would it look like to meet yourself right? where you are in that goal for yourself like I was where I was like here's where I am I have this goal that I want I don't know how to get there or I. Feel scared to get there or I feel so much shame about how I've tried to get there before in the Past. What would it look like to meet you right? where you are with out the judgment just the truth This is where I am I don't like it. Don't feel like this is how I have to be forever, but this is where I am today. How can you see feel and understand her. How can you see feel and understand yourself like yeah I kind of make perfect sense high-achchieving people like me. Yeah. Sometimes I get really focused on something and it falls away for a while I'm human welcome to the human experience like what makes me so special that I will never experience shame or anything like this again sometimes people like me sometimes people like you don't hit their goals. Sometimes people like you have started and stopped and started and stopped and they're ready to stop stopping and you're ready to re commit to the process. So I'm committed to the process. And my coach helped me figure out like what is my actual steps. What am I and how am I going to start? I didn't have to figure out everything I just had to commit so we came up with a plan where I was going to for one month again commit to this, commit to weight training my arms four days a week so that's what we decided. It's so fascinating. How many things open up for you after you decide after you commit. It's the whole world of possibilities come like it's when you commit to your business. Are you commit to your marketing It's like oh then all the people come if you build it they will come so we committed ah over the phone and then I was. The first week I was like she was like what do you want me e do do you want to check in so each day I worked out I checked in with her the first week and to help me establish the habit and then honestly after day one the starting it didn't even take me a whole week I was in it so when I committed I got off I got off. Call with her and then I was opening up my tonal program the app it's got like different programs for arms, legs, full body. You know, different levels and the very first one that popped up was like this ultimate arms program and it was four days a week for four weeks and I was like oh look what happens when you commit. The process look what happens when you make powerful decisions and you decide you are capable of making decisions. So your life can move forward and I did and I went and did it and it was like all these lies that I had in my brain of like I just don't have the time I'm already so maxeddounded all of those are so gone like that is. Not even an issue at all I am motivated I am celebrating my progress I am kind to myself about this. Actually we got to a root, because we also talked about some other like hard conversation hard interactions I've had with some people lately and honestly shame or. Terrible feelings are negative. Emotions are just pointing us to an unmet need we have in ourselves often and so we did some explorating of like I just didn't feel cared for and so I got to equate this like lifting weights for me right now. Whatever it is for you I now am equating that to this, is how I care for me if other people or other relationships or I'm not feeling cared for by them. This is a way that I can create care for myself. I show up for myself in this way and it feels like this need that I have to be cared for because I know if I commit to the process I will get results and I know how much I'll love those results. I've had toned arms in the past and I love them and I'm proud of them and I just feel more confident. It's just something It's just that's just me and I like to wear tank tops when my arms look good and so I know it's gonna feel so good. But I'm not obsessed with that end result I have committed to caring for myself by committing to this process when I lift weights I am caring for myself. So I decided to. Ah, committed to the process I honor myself and my calendar honoring my time honoring myself honor is one of the core values within our prosperity with purpose mentorship and I decided to restart James clear from the book. Automatic habits 1 of them. It's a really great book every action you take is a vote. For the type of person you wish to become and I wish to be someone who cares for me who cares for others I wish to be someone who's willing to risk maybe down the road I'll stop maybe down the road I might experience some shame around this again. But I'm willing right now to restart. I'm not worried about all that right now right now. I am focused on what is right in front of me I am focused on committing to the process and I restarted and so since I've recorded this podcast. It has been now been three weeks of solid four days a week arm workouts. You know they say like you can see progress in three months and you'll have a totally different outcome in six months. I can see results in three weeks y'all! You may not but I look at my arms every day and I am so proud of myself, and even if I didn't see results within three weeks I would keep going because this is a long-term vision. I have a vision of myself as a person who is healthy, who is strong, and fit and ripped, so that's something I write in my start today journal every day as if it's already happened. It's a vision that I have for myself that I have for my future! I've gotten derailed a couple of times. I'm not looking to the past anymore of evidence of what. Is possible for my future. So begin again. Friends begin again business owners that area of your business or maybe you've put it aside or haven't been as committed to it as you have before restart leaders restart. Leaders become aware of those uncomfortable emotions. Go back to episode number 91 that feelings wheel literally I use daily literally I am aware of what is happening inside of my body. My feelings emotions daily those help my business for you guys that are over there like yeah that feelings wheel is too fluffy for me. No I am a successful entrepreneur. The number 2 in leadership development in an entire network marketing company. I have a 7 figure network marketing company, a 6 figure coaching business that will become 7 figures because I am aware of what's my thoughts. My thoughts are what my feelings are what they're creating for me because I am aware of whenever I'm feeling shame. I don't just ignore it I view it as an invitation to find healing an invitation to find freedom and the same is for you restart the world needs what you have to offer the world needs the highest version of you. I am cheering you on! Let me know this week on social media where you have restarted. what Aha it is! We want to cheer you on! I am so proud of you. Thanks for coming a little inside into what's been going on with me the past couple weeks. I love sharing my breakthroughs, because I know that every time I break through every time I gain more agency every time I peel back another layer of something that was hindering me I'm running freer and because I'm running freer, it inspires you to be able to walk and run in your own freedom. So God bless you! Go restart!